Can You Cheer Up the Lone Wolf With a Vibrator?

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Kim DeYoung, Leesa Barnes. Leesa Barnes said: RT @elizabethpw: Can You Cheer Up the Lone Wolf With a Vibrator? http://bit.ly/cGF0B8 [...]

Best. Subject. Ever.

And well done for giving yourself permission to be illogically sad. It happens, and when you accept it it's over much faster.

If it's any consolation, this is the most truthful, beautifully written post of yours I've ever seen. Yeah. Do that. Take a break from epicness, no one wants to be around constant epicness anyway. And you've got the right idea, letting yourself feel the thing instead of fighting it. What you resist, blah blah blah.

Best headline ever, too.

Beautiful, transparent, real, Elizabeth. Expansion and contraction – and dang it, it ain't easy some days. And I won't offer any “fix it” platitudes or strategies but will simply send you a big cyber hug of gratitude for the gift you offer in this post. You putting this out there will not only shift you, but shifts so many of us. I'm here for you

Beautiful, thoughtful, and beyond honest! It is hard to allow yourself to have days like this, but they are needed to recharge the batteries, build inspiration, and sure up the foundation. Good for you for realizing what you need.

And I agree with LBelgray. Amazing Headline!

thanks so much laura. exactly.

we already tweeted re the headline. see supra.

re subject line.

thanks catherine, yes, going through being sad is faster. sigh.

thanks for the hug carolyn

agreed jason, sometimes we just need the day off.

That is the most deliciously awesome and beautiful post you have written (or that I have read, anyway).

I have those days, too, and I'm with you on just allowing them. I had one, to some extent, yesterday. It was my birthday and I guess I hold birthdays to a higher standard. So at the end of the day, if they were good but not great, and if they had moments of sadness or blahness, I feel disappointed with my whole life!

Yesterday was like that until I decided to let go of the standards. Then, I could be happy for the good moments I had. And live with the blah.

Jeanine

Of course, it's worse when you're a cheery happy upbeat person like me, because there are lots of people who Don't Get It and insist that you're faking.

You aren't. Do what you gotta. We all love you.

We as humans aren't terribly logical. Sometimes, my face wants to cry. Everything is fine, and my face just feels crumply and weepy. Mostly emotions hit me like a physical sensation and they are there until time passes and the sensation along with it. During my last end-of-something-you-couldn't-really-call-a-relationship, sorrow would just sweep over my body. I've got a great life, getting better every day, and really that ending was right for me too. I could even see some of that then, but the sorrow would come over me at its own will. And leave the same way.

I think this kind of goes back to the expectations discussion from earlier. When I choose the experience over the expectation, life works much better, less of the crazy-in-negative-way and more crazy-in-a-great-way.

And, hugs.

thank you jeanine.

yes, i do the same thing with birthdays. this year i plan to be traveling on my birthday, and with bff's, so i'm sure that itself will make it better. but then is the pressure even higher? sigh.

yes re expectation vs experience.

yes re ending of things that are not right, or things that don't work that are not right … but there still is the sadness. sigh.

I was so happy when I got to the end of the post and you….stopped resisting! It's just the roller coaster E. It takes fucking bravery to let yourself sit with what's happening. I hope your day is better tomorrow. All i know- is that it will go back up. xo

Would partnering with your BFFs on projects help out with the loneliness? And the sucess of the projects? Different skill sets, focuses, strengths? Brainstorming here…

yes. the damn roller coaster. anything else would be lame and boring. but i still get sick of the throwing up feeling sometimes. #thatisall

thank you for the ideas david and I agree, I do have too much lone wolf going on. i will revisit when i'm not in the melancholies.

It could just be PMS or perimenopause. But on a different thought, when did you decide that you had to be miss happy go lucky all the time? I also don't think daily processing of your life are reflective of the whole. At this moment you “feel” whatever. Feelings are always subject to change and most of it is based on what we have made right or wrong about that feeling. So what, bad day, next. It will be fine.

Did you try the vibrator?

I think this has been going around. I I've had the blues, too. I love this post because it's raw and real and it's life. We all have those days, sometimes even those weeks. It's okay to not always be perfect or epic. And to know that even though your life is pretty awesometastic, to have days where nothing consoles you, not even your vibrator. It's hard to be a wolf–to be a trailblazer, to chart new paths–it can be lonely. Know there are many of us out here that are part of your journey in spirit. xoxo

It's bullshit that dudes can't allude to an appliance in this instance. There's no appeal to, “can vigorous friction cure the blues?” Okay, I was wrong. That's actually pretty fantastic.

I'm not going to try to talk you out of it. Some days just suck, and the cure is to allow them to suck. It's like, “Fuck you, day. Have at me.” But then corrosive thoughts get in your head and you have to fight them off, too; you have to say, “Piss off, nihilistic feelings. I'll deal with you tomorrow.” Because if you let them in when you're weak, they carry weight that they don't deserve.

I don't think you have to be a sheep or a lone wolf. Unless you're Eastwood in his many Lone Wolf roles, it's simply untrue that people who break the mold are doing so alone. There is great community amongst outsiders, and even in success terms, it's not true that it's lonely at the top. The bottom just tends to be more crowded.

A wise man named Louis Skolnik once said, “I've got news for the beautiful people. There's a lot more of us [nerds] than there are of you.” He was talking about literal beautiful people and literal nerds, but it applies to any group of insiders vs. outsiders. Just because you don't follow doesn't mean you're on your own. You have vast nerd armies around you. Or something.

This would probably make more sense if it weren't 1am. I like cheese?

It took me ages to realise it but I get a 24hr period every month, usually mid cycle, where I feel like this.. despondent, full of 'what's the point' and want to just be alone and sit on a beach and stare at the waves.

I get full of thoughts of not being good enough and things would be better/easier for everyone if I removed myself and worked harder on my 'issues' and THEN released myself to the world as a whole, complete human being without flaws.

Of course that ain't EVER gonna happen *lol* and so now when I get like this I recognise the voice inside for what it is – ego and hormones in a messed up combination – check the date and just let people know to ignore me for 24hrs.

In doing this, I'm actually sharing myself, letting others into my world and that is enough. It's communication and it's ok to just let myself Be.

Your post was that – it was acknowledgement for your Self in the moment and in sharing it you let yourself Be.

That was a great gift, as you can see for it has touched so many people. You are probably helping so many others with that action, to accept themselves more – the 'not so good' bits as well as the 'blooming awesometastic' bits. For there is always balance for without the down we would never appreciate the up.

I hope you can feel the genuine warmth, appreciation and love – the cheering from the sidelines that I feel for you and many, many others obviously do too.

Your truth is awesome.

Thank you

Thanks for writing such an open and honest post (with the most eye-catching title I've seen, like, ever).
Although the feelings are crappy, I hope you don't mind me saying that it's such a relief to hear other people feel this way at times for no apparent reason too. Of course, I know they do intellectually, but to actually see it expressed out there is different. So thank you for being so generous with yourself You're doing great things here!

BTW, I also think that part of the price you pay for being a creative person who “thinks above the level of the sheep” is a bit of emotional rollercoaster-ness and the occasional realization about unpleasant truths that most people don't think about. Creativity and “mindfulness” comes at a price, but it's one I'm happy to pay.

The year after I left college and started a miserable lab job, I was — and I think this is a medical term — totally and completely fucked up. I was having panic attacks and extended depressive periods. My coping mechanism was to write. I wrote an entire novel. It was one of those “art comes from pain” things, because I couldn't write extended fiction after that terrible period ended, and I tried many times.

I know you're only talking about the occasional bad day, but I think it's all varying degrees of the same thing. It's never been that bad since I quit that job (go figure), but shades of that old pattern do show themselves just a bit still.

And I think I have to say, “I could be a mindless drone, content with anything. Or I could be who I am, which is a person prone to higher highs but also lower lows. I'll take the occasional downs if I can have the ups, personally. (Not that I have much choice other than to be who I am.)

Fantastic post – I identified 100% with your experiences. And yes, sometimes I think we need to just give ourselves permission to feel what we feel.

Holy shit this really hit home and the reason why supports your “I don’t want to believe that that the only way to live my truth, is to be alone” section.

I was right where you were two days ago. Everything had turned to mud and my bright ideas and energy had been turned inside-out and became the biggest ball of entropy I every hit. This is how I felt about my blog and my passion in my head: “I was standing on a chair in the middle of a room screaming and no one gave a crap what I was saying because I could not articulate it in a way that would make them care and even if they did why should they listen to me and what the fuck was I doing and I should get a real job and just live with it and then die content but not happy.”

And then, that night, while she did Sudoku and I played on my iTouch, my fabulous wife, who could give a shit about what my business and passion is about, talked me through all my angst and worries.

THIS IS THE POINT OF THIS RANT: You DO NOT need to be alone to live your truth.

My wife could care less about software revolutions and saving small businesses time and money. She gets the same glazed eyes that many people do when I wax eloquent on Web 2.0. BUT SHE KNOWS ME BETTER THAN ANYONE. She knows me inside and out. She knows what makes me tick. What makes me comfortable. What makes me squirm.

She took my ball of entropy and shone a light on it so bright that it became a clear road forward for me.

The next morning, I could not wait to get to work. I was full of piss and vinegar and raring to go.

Let me repeat:You DO NOT need to be alone to live your truth. That's some pissant poor little poet saying that. Loneliness and pain is NOT required for success. Love and support from those who love you is.

Thanks for your post – it really made me think and that's what great posts do.

I am happy that you said what you did about the sads, because I am in the same spot. It feels like so many people are in this spot, like this is the summer of melancholy.

And also, whatever we feel, we apply our emotions to our cognition, to our thoughts, and they can make for strange bedfellows.

We are neither sheep or wolves. This idea that living our truth makes us lonely is a myth. There's no way that it's true. Why would be we built that way?

Loneliness is just a sign that we need to bring others on our journey, that we need to find those whose truths match up with ours. Our ideas and truths are never truly singular, unless we are schizophrenic. Einstein and Edison had peers who just didn't quite get there as fast, but still understood what they were doing.

I think I might sound bitchy writing this. I need my morning coffee. Hope you feel less sad and more happy today.

Your raw honesty is intimidating. It makes me feel at least moderately guilty for lying all the time to the world and myself….

You totally rock. I wish I was as brave as you.

I say don't make a choice. You are neither a wolf or a sheep. You're a wolep. Hmmm, that's a very uncool word, but I'll go with it. What I mean is some days you are a wolf and other days you are a sheep. You can be bit of both. You just have to give yourself the permission.

Really, it's the best of both worlds. The problem with being a bit of both is the consequences. You have to have both feelings. There are decisions that aren't black and white. I think that's why Hugh said that. It's easier to pick one and just stick with it.

You've done a great job of being a wolf, go with it for a while. Try to enjoy the feelings for what they are. Because it's these moments that will make for great stories to your grand kids.

Allowing and accepting that you are sad (or uncertain) and just carrying on living is freakin epic in and of itself. As are, by the way, curling up under the covers and/or ODing on chocolate (or nachos) and/or just doing nothing.

xo ~ Alli

So, I guess the answer to the title question is “no… not for long anyway”

I didn't read all the comments, but did I miss the part where we have to choose to be either sheep or wolves? Someone's gotta be a shepherd, right? And what about the Lioness?

I vote for lioness. Don't they eat wolves and live in tribes?

I leave nothing undone or untried. #ahem

Today, I’m taking the day off from fixing myself.

Love it. What a relief.

too many times i missed that moment when i first stumbled upon a blogger who, in the future, became one of my my favorite reading material.

i don't remember who or when first introduced me to you, johnny b., but i wanted to say *thank you, johnny*, for tweeting about this awesome post (the headline drew me in, i must admit, but the awesomeness of this woman has nothing to do with her apparent ability to write catchy headlines). i have a feeling i will continue reading this blog, and i wanted to leave a short blurb in the comments section, to remember how and why i come across people who eventually become my greatest influencers.

While I do like Hugh's concept… I don't entirely agree with it.. Wolves have packs… They have family, 'friends' and they do things together… Each wolf is not alone.

That said – I am glad that you allowed yourself to have a bad day – we ALL have them… But sounds like you still did a lot that day! And the vibrator had to cheer you up for at least a few minutes!

I like to say “Sure, this will pass. You will get past it, but in the meantime, it sucks!” And far as I can tell, you're gonna pass through the sucky sometimes if you are on the path to great! So heres to being a little sucky sometimes! But I also hope it has or does pass quickly!

Big hugs,
Shannon

Illogically sad; great description Catherine!

It took me ages to realize, too, that I have days like this regularly, but mine happen when I've had 2-3 days of too little sleep. Like you, I've learned to recognize when it happens and put everyone else on alert. I also try not to get too upset over the “everything sucks” feelings and, instead, remind myself that this, too, shall pass. It's great to have that awareness.

Good for you for taking the day off from fixing yourself. It sounds like you did all the right things to nurture yourself, to “hear” your heart, and to just “BE, not DO.” Living epic and awesometastic takes a heck of a lot of energy, so down time is epic and awesome too. Perhaps the melancholies are simply a reminder to be, not do.

taking time off. brilliant and priceless. no more fixing — sometimes is the fix. hugs. You inspire more than you know.

Thank you so much, Elizabeth. Sometimes (like earlier today) I too have to give myself permission to feel and experience and maybe even wallow in the melancholies. Sometimes I'm just not capable of “mood-altering” myself — even though I know that I too have an amazing life. sometimes anything other than melancholy feels like being out of integrity. Thanks for permission to take the day off from fixing myself. Big hugs, Bonnie

For Elizabeth, for myself, and undoubtedly for many people out there I believe that the ground-breakers of the world spend time treading where others have not gone. The courage that it takes to break through the clouds of confusion or fear, to arrive topside and look at the glorious view .. well, we are often going to spend a bit of time at that new level on our own, looking at those who haven't seen what we see … yet.

There are so many ways to achieve new levels of personal success, awareness of self, goals being realized, there ARE teams that accomplish great things but I have found for myself that I have to go there pretty much on my own first, and then turn around and shine a light on my new discovery. It is the nature of the solo-entrepreneur, I would guess.

The thing is, when we are achieving or not, it is so normal to not only look outside to see what we discovered, but to look inward and examine how we feel about ourselves on this path, each step of the way. I so completely empathize with the blankness, the emptiness, the feeling of “do I always have to do this alone?” that comes to me as well (and recently too). Looking inward for me is honestly a seeking of meaning, and I am not asking myself but am trying to ask for Divine guidance. when I am disconnected from a spiritual guide (and we all have different ways to connect), that is when I feel most discontented and alone.

I find that humans are only able to help so much, perhaps to clear away some of the mind clutter that keeps me from seeing my gifts with clarity, and then ultimately it is between me and Spirit. At that point, no activity outside of my soul can make a difference, That's when I cry and pray and lie on the earth with my belly down, giving away to Mother Earth all those doubts and worries that I've been holding. And it helps me get connected again, to step into my inner knowing , not just my logical knowing, that I am not alone and my possibilities are endless.

Wow, darling. I feel you. I want to believe that loneliness is not the only way (even though life often says otherwise). I know a couple of people (okay, one person) who is at harmony without having a pair, and I know several married couples (this time several, for real) who are together without much BS. I think it all differs from one person to another. Some feel more comfortable when free, others – when tied to somebody even it is limiting at times. I have been choosing freedom a lot and years years later realized that what my “square” parents were telling me was actually kind of true. But things are always good when you are at peace with yourself. It's the “peace with yourself” that is tricky. And thank you for finding me on twitter. <3

Freaking awesome post. That's all.