Elizabeth Potts Weinstein » Self-Care

As if hospice was coming tomorrow …

Elizabeth Potts Weinstein — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 17:45:15 +0000

“Mommy, I miss you. Please let me stay home with you today.”

She had been pleading ever since I picked her up at her Dad’s house, and here we were, sitting in the parking lot at school, cuddling in the front seat, as she asked one last time.

But instead of quickly answering that of course she had to go to school, that’s her job and our commitment and she can’t just not go every time she doesn’t feel like it because that’s how life works and various other Puritan work ethic arguments … before I answered, I checked in with my heart.

And … I remembered the blog post I read the day before.

From an astrophysicist mom with two kids, ages 4 and 6.

She has been battling breast cancer for 5 years, through surgery and chemo and radiation and remission and back again.

It is now spread throughout her body, and is lodged in her bones.

Hospice is coming to her house tomorrow.

I thought, if this was one of my last days, if hospice was coming for me tomorrow, what lesson would I want to leave my daughter with?

The lesson that we always go to work and keep our commitments and show up on time, no matter what?

Or … the lesson that sometimes, we all need a mental health day.

The lesson that all need to fill ourselves up before we can go out into the world.

Whether that filling up is via alone time or walking in nature … or via spending quality time with our mommies.

And … I remembered that first night in the hospital with her, 18 months ago.

She was sleeping in the open PICU ward bed while I silently wept in the cot beside her, shaking, in regret.

Regretting … all the books I didn’t read her.

The games I was too busy to play.

The cuddles I declined, as I was distracted by iPhone and email and social media and launches and dishes and all the things I was supposed to be doing on my never-ending to do list.

So after discussing with her that commitments are important, and how much she does love school – both the learning and her friends – and that we can’t do this every day, and exactly how she felt and what she needed and why … we came to an agreement.

Yesterday, my daughter took a mental health day to spend with her mommy.

We played Uno and Go Fish and this weird game involving hanging monkeys from a plastic tree. We made a poster with rules she thinks are important for living in this house and I showed her how you can use a black piece of construction paper to make free-form Lite Brite art. I taught her how to sweep the dining room and we sorted through the last packed box in her bedroom closet.

We cuddled on the sofa and watched Barbie as a fairy, saving the kingdom from the evil Laverna. We talked about her birthday party plans, how her father thinks, why heat waves make light bend differently.

We went to Target, sang songs, prayed, washed her hair, read books.

We danced.

Yes, today she went to school.

Happy to see her friends. Happy to talk about the letter Z. Happy to go ice skating.

Yes, today I’m back at work.

(Not at full pace, due to a post-spending-the-day-with-an-extrovert hangover migraine, now medicated for the most part via the wonders of sumatriptan.)

I am here, answering those emails that had been pending, drafting my Monday morning email to you a day late, checking up on the program I neglected yesterday.

Certain that yesterday I made the same decision I would have made, as if it had been either of our last days.

That’s all I can do in this life.

And … that’s all that there is.

EveryDay 2: Is Bigness a Side Effect?

Elizabeth Potts Weinstein — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 21:41:08 +0000

This was a big week for me. Personally, businessy, blog trafficy. But I can’t decide – did the bigness come out of the bold acts that I did, or did the bigness come as a side effect?

Live Your Truth Tip: Accepting Reality

Elizabeth Potts Weinstein — Fri, 13 May 2011 18:37:17 +0000

So, what’s the crap that keeps you from living your truth?

Over the next few weeks I’ll be sharing about the different genres of crap that get in front of us seeing or living our truth – today’s video is about accepting reality.

This video is for you who have resentment, tons of stress, are tired or overwhelmed or overworked …

(yep, that’s me too!!)

If this video resonates with you, please share your thoughts, stories, feedback, or questions below!

(And … we’ll be covering more of this in the 18 Days to Live Your Truth program – more info coming soon.)

I don’t deserve this english muffin.

Elizabeth Potts Weinstein — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 14:28:36 +0000

I don’t deserve this english muffin.

Not just because it’s all carby and toasted and smothered in real butter.

But because this morning I haven’t earned my food yet.

There are tasks yet unfinished.

The unanswered emails, the unbought gifts, the unwashed dishes, the unlaunched sites, the uncollected receivables, the uninterviewed experts, the unresponded press requests, the unengaged @ replies, the unsold clients.

There are self cares yet untaken.

The unswollowed vitamins, the unrested sleeps, the unpolished toenails, the unfulfilled prescriptions, the unstuck acupuncture, the unsmelled perfume, the unbought health food, the unlifted weights.

Who am I to think I deserve food.

Sleep. Sex. That new novel. This red sweater. A long walk. One delicious minute of unrestricted laughter or intimate connection or untamed joy.

With all these yet undone, how could I possibly deserve to be happy?

Yet.

You say that we all deserve to be happy.

But how do you know that? Where is that written down?

I wish for proof, some testimony from the gods, some authoritative ultimate that can argue with the doubt ingrained in my bones, that can convince my soul of its worthiness.

And yes, I know. I teach this shit.

I teach that we all deserve self care and we all deserve ecstasy, that to be able to express our souls on this earth we must create the space for it to flourish, that before we can do or make or create or help … we first must just allow ourselves to be.

The reason I teach is because this is the great lesson that my soul must learn this time around in this corporal existence. This is the great lesson that my soul must share with all of you to finally reprogram the molecules embedded in my very cells, to finally move on to the next exploration.

This lesson, this fundamental truth that I, that you, that we all deserve every morsel of these ecstasies.

We deserve them for no reason.

We deserve them for every reason.

So in the meanwhile, I pretend.

I try to act as if I have already learned the lesson.

I swallow the vitamins. I play in the rain. I surrender to the orgasm. I devour the frozen yogurt with a pile of chocolatey mix-ins. I spend the afternoon browsing the independent bookstore looking for anything in particular.

I take a bite of this english muffin.

And I wonder.

I wonder if someday I’ll feel that I actually deserve it.

–

Do you struggle with guilt, with feeling like you must get stuff done before you deserve a break, before you deserve to be happy? What are you doing to unlearn this untruth?

Yes, You Want “Just” a Hobby

Elizabeth Potts Weinstein — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 04:22:05 +0000

Yes, you’ve heard me talk about how this is not a freaking non-profit, how you need to run it like a business and not just as a hobby …

but this video I’m asking you the other side of the question.

What happens when you run *everything* in your life as a business?

(And don’t forget to leave your questions, feedback, comments below! I love hearing from you guys!)

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