The Illusion of Security and the Uncertainty of the Real

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Kim DeYoung, Leesa Barnes and Allison Nazarian, susangiurleo. susangiurleo said: RT @ElizabethPW The Illusion of Security and the Uncertainty of the Real http://bit.ly/apFEEp [...]

Elizabeth, this is my first time to your blog and I really need to read this today. Maybe there is something in the air because I am/was in this place last night. So many people don't live their truth that to be disconnected is considered “normal.” I reject that, but sometimes it's lonely . Thanks for putting it into words.

Hurrah. Trust. Illusion of the Shoulds. It's been a 3 am week for me too. Then yesterday through various, fun and spontaneous avenues reminders came barreling in of people I know who are succeeding on their own terms (in big ways) and having FUN. A great gift on a Friday that started with angst and ended with ease. Realizing that 'ease' doesn't mean absence of fear or trepidation or hard work, it means ease of living with yourself and your soul. Trust = ease. Lovely post (especially for 2am when most of our heads are full of cotton).

Yep. This is the truth of being real. Real isn't always easy, but it's better than the alternative, imho.

EPW,

Transition Anxiety, The Lull, The Verge, Whirly Brain — all of it is the result of our saying “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH” with the shoulds.

So while it is weird and sometimes uncomfortable and certainly tiring (physically and emotionally), it (this whole period) is actually the best thing that could ever happen to us. Because it means we aren't satisfied in the Land of Shoulds anymore and that we are crossing over to a more real way of living — like real and raw and amazing.

As I said in text earlier and in a million other ways, I am so grateful and happy to be sharing this journey with you.

#loveyou
#thatisall

Trust in love.

Love + Authentic Self = Abundant Life

Your statement “When I stepped off the road…” speaks wonders! Sitting around every so often lamenting on the fact that you {should} be doing something else is one thing… but actually DOING IT is amazing!

and getting it done, living through it and then dealing with the new day to day is like a tornado at times! But isn't it better than being back where you were, not happy and not living your truth??

I think you're doing an amazing job! and I don't think I will ever be able to express how hooking up with you, Allison, Sarah, the whole tribe from Sarah's 30 days and the next level of people I've come in contact with since then has been pushing my life on that new road and making the ride a little less bumpy!

#lytchatROCKS #neverbeabletoexpress #thankyou #imblessed #thatisall

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I've been wallowing in my Shoulds for the last few days and I decided through tears to just say f*ck off to all of my Shoulds and remember that my life is to be lived my way and not the way other people think I should live my life- and that includes my mother. I can say that because she hasn't found you yet…

I stopped apologizing a while ago for living my life off the beaten path but every so often I wonder if I made a mistake. People that I know that did their shoulds seem to be so happy and I wonder if I should have settled.

Then I smack myself in the head and remember why I stopped being normal, average and “should-ing” myself for the last couple years.

I've refused to settle or to conform, not because I get a kick out of it- even though I do- but because that's not my truth and if it's one thing that I've learned from the short time that I've been in the lytp and lytchat, it's that there is no other way for me than to live my truth in the best way that I know how. That is where the magic is, that is where I'm most happy even though I'm scared out of my mind sometimes.

But I'd rather do that than ever be a should.

Elizabeth, I love what you say about “opting out of the illusion.” Society has its rules and ideas about things — you have to have yours.

A while back, I did a video chat on “The Art of Dropping Out.” For me, the art of dropping out is very largely the art of *opting* out; of saying “no” to conventional rules, roles and expectations. If you're going to be happy (and sane), you must forge your own path based on what makes sense to you and FOR you.

Thank you for being an innovator, and your inspiring message!

This post hits home for me. Really, really close to home. I'm big on getting rid of shoulds, but isn't it also true that we have shoulds where we least expect them? I feel like I get rid of a whole slew of shoulds at a time sometimes, and then more crop up later on that I didn't even know I had! And then I get rid of those, and the cycle continues …

It inspires me to know that there are others out there living life in this way — real, raw, throwing out conventional wisdom out if it's not wise for you, finding beauty and happiness in the scary territory no one else seems willing to wander (well, not no one, but it sure feels like it sometimes!) …

I don't know about you, but I don't even feel like myself when I give into a should. I can't always identify it as such initially, but in the ever-so-slightly longer term I see that pretty much every bad decision I've ever made was from going against what my gut really wanted. But I think we're taught to ignore those inner feelings if they go against the shoulds, and it's hard sometimes (though it does get easier …).

Thanks, Elizabeth, for this lovely reminder that I'm not alone in my weirdness. Not that your path is mine, nor that you're necessarily weird, just … thanks. That's a compliment even if it's worded awkwardly.

F*ck the Shoulds!!! Great post!! I will definitely re-read it when I am struggling with the doubts that come up as I live my life following my own path. Being a self-employed entreprenuer and doing things my way, what works for my soul, in a circle of family and close friends who follow more traditional routes is a challenge at times.

Here's to stepping off the road! Here's to trusting my gut! Here's to changing my corner of the world — my way!!!

I'm going to be really obnoxious and say that I don't think I've been in should-land for awhile now. In a general sense anyway. I still get all the little shoulds throughout the day. I should be able to write for longer without a twitter/face break. I should definitely be cooking more. I should take better care of myself when I go to a dinner party and get the fuck out when it gets too long/boring/wrong. But…in the larger areas of WHAT I'm doing and How I'm living…It's really good. Thanks always for your TTTTrue. xo

Yes, Susan, sometimes it is very lonely. And that's why I blog, do social media, and thank god every day for my amazing friends.

Trust = ease. <– awesome

I'm now kicking ass and am over the freaking revolving door. I'm installing a new door. It will only be one way or the other. No circling. #thatisall

thanks so much Shelly! (and awesome use of hashtags)

I'm still practicing the “getting it done” thing – in the next 30 days I'm launching the heck out of stuff and making some money. #thatisall

“seem to be so happy” <– emphasis on the word seem.

now some of them are happy. yay for them, what a more direct life. but we are not those people, we can't be happy that way.

Thanks so much Kevin, I love that idea, “the art of dropping out”

I now get “shoulds” about my new crowd. How I should market on twitter, what I should be selling, etc. … for those of us who were addicted to the shoulds, we have to keep up our awareness for falling into that pattern with our new group

and you know megan, some of those little shoulds drive me crazy. i should do the dishes, i should play with my daughter right now, etc. etc.

I've been working on a long-term project of becoming generally less certain.

After a couple of months of this, I hit a (pretty major) spiritual crisis.

Because I felt so uncertain.

It took a while for the irony to hit me.

Uncertainty is at times scary, but certainty is not the same as truth.

Eeep. Sigh. Yay.

Thank you for this, Elizabeth. It's the perfect thing to read on this morning, the day after my ex-husband's wedding. Everyone has an idea of what's perfect and reasonable and perfectly reasonable. But they don't live inside one's head, one's heart, belly, and soul – where we each know beyond a doubt, if only we can get access to it – the truth of our lives, the truth of the world, and for single moms whose lives often lack security and social approval – the truth of what's was behind the curtain of that perfectly reasonable life that used to be.
I'm off on an extended run along the Charles river to get access to my heart, belly, soul connection and to find renewed courage to do those little scary business tasks that it will take to grow my business into both an ever more accurate expression of my truth, and a successful sustainable enterprise.
http://www.freemotioncoach.com

G'day EPW,

Talking about dropping out, the shoulds and generally not wanting to fall into the trap of conforming to society’s rules and regs, sounds spookily like David Ickes theory's of being controlled. some of it sound's way out there but when you start to investigate it independently it starts getting bloody scary, it's informative and if you want to live off of the grid he has plenty of tips.

I love your line” The only measurement is whether it works for me.” Although I'm thinking I might add “and those I love.”

After reading your post twice, it has me reflecting on the fact that “shoulds” keep us stuck in the status quo. On what people and institutions outside of us decide our lives should be like. They often keep us from pushing boundaries, from defining who we really are and what we really want. And in staying true to our own vision of our lives.

For me, the questions become, “Does this bring me joy?” “Is this taking me in the direction of my dreams and big goals?” “Is this true to who I am at the core of my being?” “Is my soul saying “Yes” to this?”

Thanks for this post, Elizabeth. It got me thinkin' this morning.

Wow, great post.

Like that wise person said to me “we've gotta stop shoulding all over ourselves!!”

Great post. Bummed I missed the chat today!

love your stuff…i'm a sound sleeper so I don't get the 2am wake up calls, but that's not to say that I don't find myself questioning everything I'm doing to make sure it is what I really want and not what I think someone else thinks I should want. It is scary at first to really stop and think about what you want…what would make you happy, but then once you get over the initial befuddlement, and maybe even fear…it simplifies things immensely. No more need to ask the “Does this look right, seem right…Will they think I'm too bold, not bold enough, too fat, too skinny, too outrageous, not outrageous enough.” Now the question becomes, is this what I want? is this what makes me feel right?

I love the line, “what other people think of you is none of your business.” Act on your own. Be yourself. Create and follow your rules.

D

It's interesting that sometimes I want to write something clever and find I am unable to post it because of a glitch…as just happened here. I laugh and take it as a signal that I should calm down and write something real instead.

I have cut waaay down on emails inviting me to access my juiciness…and trust in guidance from a grounded, forgiving, vulnerable me.

In this day and age, nothing is secure. As a solo attorney, I feel more secure relying on myself than a paycheck and outside employment. I think your post will make others see things from that perspective and inspire them to take the leap.

[...] mindful of when you are “shoulding” on yourself – and get over [...]