Self care is a continuing struggle for me – both because I need it so desperately to create space for the creative nature of my work – and because I feel so guilty about it.
There’s a voice in my head that always says: “Elizabeth, all this self-care stuff is just an excuse to be selfish. Lazy. To stop doing your to do list. You need to get this stuff done, fast! Stop wasting our time with all this self care crap. Get to work. You don’t deserve this until you get everything done first.”
So last Thursday morning, another voice (non-imaginary and over skype this time), belonging to someone who knows how much I need self care and is completely convinced that I deserve it already, gave me an assignment.
“Today you are going to do something that makes you feel strong, someone that makes you feel smart & successful, something that makes you feel pretty, something that makes you laugh, and something that’s self-indulgent & wasteful. And none of it can be about work or your daughter. And you’ll report back to me when you’ve done each thing.”
I was able to let go of my guilt about self care because I had to do it. Because it was an assignment. (Yes, of course I didn’t actually have to. But it’s just enough of a push to help me let go of guilt.) And, because I wasn’t actually told what to do (just the feelings I would get), it makes this day fun, creative, adventurous … not just another thing on my to do list to complete.
So here’s what happened on my perfect self care day.
Strong: On Thursdays at 11 AM I work out with my personal trainer, Cera (a professional dancer, choreographer, and studio owner). This is not some girly workout — she includes weights and boxing and real pushups, as well as pilates and yoga.
I especially feel strong and kickass when I’m lifting those 15 lb “boy weights” (what I call the hand weights that are all metal and scary looking).
Smart & Successful: I love books. I love the way they smell, the way the pages feel under my fingers. How they make me feel powerful and smart and in control and able to learn anything. So to get that feeling of smart & successful, I headed to to the bookstore at the mall a few blocks form my apartment, and wandered around the shelves.
Saw books I had already read, books by authors I’m friends with, books that I plan to read (and one I bought – that happiness book by Tony Hsieh of Zappos) – books that were old friends and books that were becoming new acquaintances.
Pretty: This one was a bit hard, because I don’t really think of myself as pretty. I guess I think of myself cute and even sexy, but the energy of pretty just doesn’t occur to me. I ended up buying a few necklaces at Old Navy, one was a necklace that I had seen a few times, but had not bought because I didn’t have anything to wear with it.
Really, it only looks good on me topless (how unreasonable, to get jewelry just to wear in private!). But this time, I went ahead & got that for-me-topless necklace. (No, you won’t be seeing a twitpic of that one, my dears.)
Laugh: Trying to find something that makes me laugh that didn’t involve Gracie was hard … I laugh more with her than anyone. The other times I laugh are also caused by a person, or a movie, or some external source. I wanted something where I had fun, where I laughed, not from an external motivation, but due to the fun inherent in the activity itself.
That’s when I remembered how much I like to swing. How when I was little I would swing for hours, alone, moving through the air, peaceful, in rhythm with the universe. So we went to South Park a few blocks from my apartment, and I swung until I was dizzy. 
Indulgent & Wasteful: I didn’t decide this ahead of time – I knew that something I wanted that I would normally not buy/do/get would present itself to me during the day – and unlike usual, this time, I would follow the urge.
I did two indulgent things – bought a red jacket (I have enough jackets. who needs a red jacket? but yes, I wanted it) and ate tiramisu at this fancy bakery that I would never normally go into. Mmmmm.
Overall, this was a lovely self care day. I didn’t necessarily do any of the classic self care things – spa day, massages, vacationy stuff – instead, with a few prompts, I found the extreme self care just in ordinary life.
I ended the day feeling peaceful.
Full of energy. In the flow. Grounded. Ready.
And that’s the power of what self care does for us all.
What do you do when you want to fill yourself up? What would go into your perfect self care day?
Bonus – Sexy: Feeling sexy is also included in this self care list. But when I was given this assignment, we both knew I had already done something that made me feel sexy that morning. #ahem #thatisall
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I'm Elizabeth Potts Weinstein, a writer, teacher, and coach.