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Living my truth. Finding my stride, why I run.

By on May 28, 2010 in Living Your Truth

Guest Post by Alison Kramer.

I run.

I run because I can. I love the feeling of my body collapsing when it’s over.

I run because I do it all alone.

When I was little I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. I took medication and my mom always reminded me to be careful and not do too much. I had a lot of aches and pains. I never played sports, even though I wanted to. I had sporty friends, worked at a sports store and chose to study Kinesiology in University. But I never played.

Time passed. And then something changed in my body when I became pregnant with my first child. I don’t know if it was a chemical change from pregnancy, or that for the first time I gave a shit about the things I put in my body. I don’t know if it was the new confidence I had in myself as I finally, after years of hating my body, at last began to appreciate what it could do.

But my pains went away. And they never came back.

I run because it is a challenge. It hurts, and I like it that way. When running stops hurting, that is when I know I need to push more. I let out anger and frustration when I run. Which is not easy of comfortable for me. I hate running the entire time it is happening. I listen to angry music. I sing out loud.

I run because who the hell does my body think it is, telling me what I can and cannot do.

I run because it is so hard for me. It is easy to strut, hard to run.

I run because a lot of people shape how I walk this life, but only I decide how far I run. I have tried running with other people, but it doesn’t work for me. I care too much about them – how they are doing, interacting with them, how I look or sound, how “well” I do. Running is about me.

When I was younger, I thought that true love would save me and tell me I didn’t have to run. But I’ve learned better.

True love just lets me run.

I run because I have survived abuse and wasted too many of my best days high, but I feel my body when I run. I own it. I keep going because I had three children without taking so much as a Tylenol and nothing has ever been harder than finding my stride.

I run because with the music blaring in my ear, the world going by, my heart pounding and my mind clear and strong – I am the most myself.

And that is my truth.

About Alison Kramer: Alison is a mother to three little ones and owner of Nummies Lingerie. Hot yoga addict, runner and writer. Loving her days with a blackberry in one hand and lego in the other. You can find her on twitter and learn more about her business here (www.nummies.com)

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  • http://topsy.com/trackback?utm_source=pingback&utm_campaign=L2&url=http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com/run Tweets that mention Living my truth. Finding my stride, why I run. | ElizabethPW — Topsy.com

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Scott Stratten, Elizabeth Weinstein, Leesa Barnes, Carla Young, Elysia Brooker and others. Elysia Brooker said: Awesome & more awesome RT @ElizabethPW: Guest Post by @nummiesbras: "Living my truth. Finding my stride, why I run." http://epw.me/run [...]

  • http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com ElizabethPW

    Freaking beautiful and full of truth and raw … all many reasons I love you.

    And, for the same reasons, I pole dance. #thatisall

  • accompanyc

    Somehow I think I need to start running…

    Allison – thanks for stepping up and putting it out there – run like the wind!

    Carolyn
    @accompanyc

  • meganmatthieson

    Ohhhh. Alison. The truth of one person that resonates with another. This is all that matters to me. Congratulations for finding the sweet spot of truth and communicating. For running your ass of. For grabbing your life by the balls. And for sharing it with us.

  • Alison Kramer

    When Elizabeth asked me to write, i spent three days writing a whole bunch of crap…and i was getting really frustrated, because none of it was right. i went for a run, came back and sat in my kitchen – still sweating, in my running clothes – and wrote this. It totally terrifies me and i love it.
    Thanks Elizabeth for giving me the chance to share it

  • jen_littlemissmocha

    You are a rock star. Honest, real and strong…you and this post. You are awesome and I cannot wait for the day we meet face to face. I am thisclose to starting running myself, and I don't want to run with anyone either, for all those reasons which I so totally get.
    Thanks for sharing. The more I know about you the more I like you. Wishing you many love-it-when-it's-over miles. xo

  • Alison Kramer

    thanks Jen :)
    I look forward to that day too, i think it will be like we already know one another.

  • Alison Kramer

    Hi Megan
    It was meant to be here. I'm glad the post found its perfect place

  • http://twitter.com/starry_girl Sherree

    Bravo! I totally get it and I'm on your heels…look out.

  • Alison Kramer

    I like a push, so bring it

    :) thank you

  • http://bryonsheffield.com/ Ironshef

    I suppose I'll be alright if this comment gets edited or tossed completely for brazen use of an expletive, but quite frankly I don't have the vocabulary to find anything politically correct to say that really captures my feeling on this post:

    This is totally FUCKIN' AWESOME.

    I was so inspired by the passion, anger, determination, nay, the sheer beauty of this stream of consciousness that I nearly ran screaming from my chair to run laps around my office building.

    I'll pound the disappointment out of myself – for not being bold enough to actually do that – this evening when I go for a run.

    Truly inspirational, Alison. Thanks.

  • http://www.coffeesandcommutes.com/ Christine LaRocque

    Well said lady! You inspire me.

  • Alison Kramer

    OMG, thank you. I am completely terrified of this post, as Elizabeth knows, so i can't tell you what that means to me…

  • http://allisonnazarian.com/ Allison Nazarian

    Absolutely love this. I walk RELIGIOUSLY every day, sometimes twice/day. And a little voice in my head tells me every time that I am supposed to be running — from, to, around, nowhere, everywhere, whatever.
    Thank you and love you!
    xo ~ Alli

  • Tami Morello

    Alison, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis just over a year ago so I can really relate to the sentiment of “who the hell does my body think it is, telling me what I can and cannot do.” I love the pure, unbridled passion you bring to your running. Running won't be my thing, but I've been working on bringing that passion to my own self-care in other ways – yoga, etc. At first I spent a lot of time being angry – at having to take so many meds, at being achy and fatigued, at all the stuff I read about what could be down the road, etc. etc. Now I'm turning that anger toward passion for reclaiming my life, making my truth be about a hell of a lot more than my RA. Thanks for sharing.

  • Alison Kramer

    yoga is the other side of my time “with my body”. I love yoga, every minute of it. I think swimming is great for arthritis too, if you're looking for other options.
    It is a tough diagnosis to live with, but just like you said, your truth is a lot more than that.
    Thank you so much for your comment

  • Alison Kramer

    the last few weeks, every time i get really frustrated or upset, i have been going for a run. Even just a short one. It may be the most functional thing i have ever done.

    and my ass looks great… ;)
    Thanks Alli, love you too!

  • http://twitter.com/missive Jen Wright/@MissIve

    Alison,

    This is the second time I've read one of your posts. The first one was the story of why you never tell other moms what to do when it comes to choosing nursing.

    It just so happens that I also run and also nursed my sons (a long time!). But that's not what draws me to your writing or your tweeting. It's your radiant personal strength of commitment to things you're passionate about, paired with a complete lack of judgement of others. So rare. Generally, the more people accomplish, the more entitled they feel to tell others they can or should to it, too. Everything you say, even if it's about leg warmers, consistently sends a message that you're here to work on yourself, but take others wherever they may be. So rare. You should know that, even at 140 character chunks, it's a gift to those around you. “I run because who the hell does my body think it is, telling me what I can and cannot do.” Yes! I love that moment. When your body says 'stop,' and a you get to say, no. And maybe spit for emphasis.

    My sis is a runner, too and even when “run together,” like you, we run in different directions and meet up afterward. If you're in it to find your inner stride, on every level, like you said, you have to be able to disappear into your most primal self. But when we finish and meet back up, we offer each other a traditional #AssSlap of congratulations.

    You definitely deserve one for this.

    It's so beautifully written. It has a pulse and a stride.

    And thank you, Elizabeth, for building a place where Alison felt safe publishing her truth.

    Awesome,
    Jen/@MissIve

  • Alison Kramer

    Your comment means so much to me Jen, truly thank you. Left me a wee bit speechless, which is a rare thing…

    #AssSlap may be the best hashtag ever, consider it the new “High Five”

  • randomshelly

    What a kick ass post!

    I don't run. I hate running… always have. In school I ran track – but did the sprints – not the long distance stuff. never. no way.

    But as I sat here reading your post, I pictured myself making a loud, rocking playlist, going outside (when this awful Florida sun goes down) and running… singing outloud and being with MYSELF…

    Will I do it? No idea, but for the first time in, well, forever, the answer is maybe.

    SO congrats – in a BIG way on overcoming the things you did… I have to say how much I LOVE that being pregnant brought so many wonderful things into your life… your child, relief from pain, and clarity about what you wanted and how you wanted to live!

  • http://mebuilding.wordpress.com/ Jason Eichacker

    Wonderful! There's something incredibly liberating about covering trails or pavement–and dragging your body along, if you have to. I find it's pretty much meditative for me now, after many years of doing so angry or hurt. Every once in a while, it becomes a Zen kensho…

    …and that is why I run.

    Jason Eichacker
    @MeBuilding

  • Alison Kramer

    Hiya :)
    Sometimes the things we hate when we have to do them for other people (or in school), are totally different when we choose to challenge ourselves with them. If i “had” to run, i would kick and fight so hard, and i would never do it.
    Let me know if you give it a try

  • Ava Diamond (@feistywoman)

    Powerful. Real. Inspiring. And so much more.

    And having the balls to post this despite your fear…totally awesome.

    Thanks for posting this. I've read it three times and stand in admiration of how powerful a woman you are!

  • Alison Kramer

    wow, thank you. being called a “powerful woman” is worth writing the post for.
    to be honest, if this had been sitting in my hands i probably would have chickened out and not posted it, i am very thankful for Elizabeth having it, and giving me the opportunity to write it

  • http://twitter.com/LauraScholz Laura Scholz

    Love, love, love. I'm a runner, too! For all of the reasons listed above. Beautiful post.

  • http://www.danegan.com Dan Egan

    Wow. So awesome Alison. Your passion spills over in so many different facets of your life and it's so awesome to sit back and watch. Inspiring even. “Run Kramer Run!”
    dieseldeegs

  • http://twitter.com/Runningtokeepup Denise Hettinga

    Incredibly inspiring post Allison! When I run, I sometimes get goosebumps. Strange I know, but I say it's the bad, hurt and pain releasing from my body…I got goosebumps again reading your post…thank you.

  • http://www.BeAwesomeOnline.com Catherine Caine

    All of those reasons are why I have started running. I hope it works as well for me as it does for you.

    Thanks for sharing your wisdom! :)

  • Alison Kramer

    Hi Denise :)
    i don't think the goosebumps when you run are strange at all! I think its amazing that you feel that and connect where its coming from and what it means to you.

  • http://theroadbacktosexy.wordpress.com/2010/05/29/so-i-peed-my-pants/ So… I peed my pants.. « My Journey in a Blog

    [...] Well I had one after reading Allison Kramer’s (@nummiesbras) guest blog post on Elizabeth’s (@ElizabethPW) site… found here >> http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com/run [...]

  • lorilatimer

    Wow. The two words that kept repeating in my mind over and over as I read your post were “brave” and “courageous.” You are a shining example of both… and I am in awe of your bravery and courage in pushing through your challenges, finding your truth, and in telling your story!

  • Alison Kramer

    i often feel like i am bumbling and missing the mark, and so i appreciate that. i think we all do.
    Thank you for reading my story and being a part of it

  • https://www.randomshelly.com/2010/05/29/so-i-peed-my-pants/ So… I peed my pants.. | RandomShelly

    [...] Well I had one after reading Alison Kramer’s (@nummiesbras) guest blog post on Elizabeth’s (@ElizabethPW) site… found here >> http://elizabethpottsweinstein.com/run [...]