Transparency means telling the whole story.
Transparency means no hiding truth behind bullsh*t.
But does transparency mean full disclosure of everything?
There are parts of my life that I do not blog. That I do not tweet. That I do not share as part of my public persona.
And I’ve been struggling with whether living my truth – creating a public persona that’s the real me – requires the disclosure of everything.
And if it doesn’t require complete transparency of all aspects of my life … why not?
It can’t be just because full disclosure would be uncomfortable.
It can’t be just because I have some theoretical right of privacy.
It can’t be just because people don’t need to know.
So, to figure out what I think, I outlined this blog post on the 45 bus in route to pole dancing class. Had an #lytchat to get some the tribe’s thoughts on this subject. Revealed my raw thoughts in my last email to the raw truth newsletter list. Of course.
And this is what I learned.
The Reasons Why EPW Does Not Reveal Everything:
1. To create a place of safety in my relationships, a sanctuary from the judgement of the world.
I don’t blog about why my marriage failed. About my current love life. About misunderstandings I have with my best friends. About the inner workings of my family. About other people’s confidences.
Because all relationships require sacred space.
That’s what relationships are, a place of safety to create with another human being.
A sanctuary from the insanity and inspection of others who may not have our best interests at heart.
And to violate that privilege, the sanctity of space created between the two souls … would hurt us. Would rip out part of my integrity. Would violate the honor of everyone I love.
Now don’t get me wrong on two points.
I have screwed this up. I have violated what I didn’t realize was a confidence. And let me tell you, I took that stuff offline as fast as it could be deleted.
And, I do share where my relationships fit into my live your truth journey. I don’t share the story of the relationship itself, but just how it fits into my understanding of my life.
2. To avoid contributing to more negativity by the unnecessary naming of names and throwing of gauntlets.
Ah, the juicy stories I could tell you that would curl your toes.
The snarks I could snarks. The sh*t I could throw.
The bullsh*t being sold and lies being told. The mean people spreading rumors. The trolls. The betrayals.
The truth I could speak that would cause you all to rise up and attack.
But as temporarily fun as that would be, most of the time, naming names is not productive.
Most of the time, no one really wins when one starts a war.
It just ends up in people taking sides, everyone being defensive, nothing of substance being discussed, and the conversation turns into the conversation of the war … instead of the conversation of the truth.
My exception is to name names to protect my people. I’m not going to let people get misled because I don’t have the guts to open myself up for a response. Occasionally starting a public debate is the only way to free the truth for everyone.
3. To avoid #gross and #ahem and #tmi
Um, let’s just say there are places I’m just not going in public.
I’m not blogging about bodily fluids or bodily functions or regularness or lack thereof.
No kiss & tell or sext & tell or what people do when they are alone & tell.
No “things that I’ve done that are technically illegal but really shouldn’t be because no one is getting hurt anyway” & tell.
Not that there is anything objectively wrong with sharing that stuff.
Twitter & blogging are opt-in. If you want to go into that much detail, party on. There is an audience for anything.
But dude. That ain’t my gig.
Bottom Line: Transparency does not require full disclosure.
We don’t have to tell every story.
Transparency simply means telling the whole story for the stories that we choose to tell.
Where do you draw the line between transparency and privacy?
How do you decide what is kept private?
Do you have different rules for twitter vs blog vs facebook?
I’d love to share your thoughts in the comments below!
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I'm Elizabeth Potts Weinstein, a writer, teacher, and coach.