Guest Post by Megan Matthieson
I was standing in the kitchen of a corporate apartment in NYC, talking to my hubby about the contradictions of being a mother and a performer. Society is tough on mothers.
“Imagine how Madonna feels,” I say.
I think of Madonna often. Once a week? A month? I admire her. Not because she sings or gets nasty or adopts African babies. Not because she’s a year older than me and looks amazing. (Although I do love that).
No.
I look up to her because she gives the impression that she beats the crap out of every single day, leaving no day un-messed with. When she arrives at her final ovation, I’m pretty sure she’s going to say, “I did it all, motherfuckers!” And, yes, she’ll be wearing strappy black lingerie and looking like The Bomb.
Very few pave the way for other non-conformers, and she does it in diamond- crusted spades.
I don’t want to do it ALL, exactly. But I also don’t want to let the malaise of an easy life suck all the punch and vinegar out of me either. Which could happen. I’m seriously lazy at times. More importantly, I don’t want to make other people comfortable, at the expense of my freedom. I want to envelop all the disparate parts of myself and be able to express every one.
As I get my full MEGAN on, I might lose a few friends along the way. The ones who liked me the most for making them feel comfortable. If I’m a little sad about this, I’m also relieved. I’ve spent too much time being nice and ignoring my bright insanity. I never lost the slightly daredevil impulses, but I pushed them down.
Like everything else in life, I wanted to do motherhood ‘right.’ I didn’t want to screw it up. I thought it all needed to look a certain way. Good. Nice. I needed to stand in the wings for them all. It was valid at the time.
Let’s face it, Madonna would be so freaking miserable if she wasn’t getting her full Madonna on. Right? But she’s a mother, too. If she doesn’t spend full days with her kids, I’d be willing to bet that the time she does spend with them is focused, and glowing with love and inspiration. If nothing else, they will grow up knowing how to beat the crap out of a day, if they choose to do so.
In hindsight, we can’t ever get it all right. I hated the PTA, felt wrong in a small town, and, I now realize, I need a heavy dose of foolishness to go alongside the tameness of middle life. Many of my choices were good, but at other times it would have been the better choice to get a little crazy and let my children see their mother in all her colors.
I am still nice. I’m also a really good mother. Like a crème filled cookie- my insides are all soft and lovey-dovey. I keep my family there.
But the outside is crunchy cocoa nutty. This is the way I like it. I like getting my full Madonna on.
I think it’s better to be your true and authentic self than a fake version for someone else.
How about you?
About Megan Matthieson: Megan is a Dancer. (Muse to Eliot Feld in New York) A writer. (Working on another draft of the book!) A new blogger. (idanceiwrite.com) A guest blogger, a Party Enthusiast, a Hollywood wife, and a Mother of three beautiful individuals. She loves to Connect and use the F bomb.
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I'm Elizabeth Potts Weinstein, a writer, teacher, and coach.