Know Your Dealbreakers

Being truthful about your dealbreakers (with yourself & even in your marketing) is definitely part of speaking & living your truth. As long as you compromise on who you are willing to do business with, and the manner, you really are just piling on another layer of B.S. onto yourself … get honest w/ yourself, and do yourself a favor! Even if you have a bunch of dealbreakers for your business, there's still thousands/millions of people in your target market who qualify!

I have always lived by a moral code. It's part of who I am. And I don't compromise on it for anyone. I'll take the consequences, but I won't back down. Many moons ago, I got suspended in school because I wouldn't do what the administrator wanted us to do; I just felt it was wrong. I was in the printing business for many years, and there were certain things that I would refuse to print, both when I worked for myself and when I worked for someone else. I was just morally opposed to them. Guess you could call them dealbreakers. One time I refused to print some materials that were pro-abortion, and I was willing to walk away from my job if that's what it meant I had to do. While my boss didn't understand my position, he didn't fire me (although he thought he should) because he told me that he respected me for having the guts to stand up for what I believe.

I still live my life and conduct my photography business in the same way. There are just certain things I will not do. Period. End of story. It's not open to debate. It's all about self respect. No matter what someone offers me, it's not enough to make me compromise on what I believe and who I am. I just didn't know that I was being authentic and already living my truth. I just thought I was being me.

This is such a big part of living your truth. If you are not telling the truth *to yourself* about what you are willing and not willing to put up with, you are not going to be able to create your ideal lifestyle & business. And, you won’t attract those clients who *fit* your dealbreakers!

Great story of personal integrity!

You know something that I did not put in the video is that this is a bigger issue for women. Women have dealbreakers but we will compromise on them because our feelings (fear, love) get us to talk ourselves out of them … as if we don't want to lose the client (or the guy) so we compromise, instead of just dropping the client & trusting the right one is out there.

I haven't worn pantyhose in over 30 years, and I'm not about to start. I HATE them, too. Tight, confining, hard to pull up, etc. And I manage to wear skirts. Lots of lotion on the legs, clean feet and I'm good to go. The older I get, the less I want to please other people — what a gift! I have fired incompatible coaching clients or referred a prospect out when I sensed a disconnect. My time is too precious to waste on people/activities that don't bring satisfaction and joy.

My dealbreakers are disrespecting my time, untruthfulness, inauthenticity, racism, sexism, and ageism. There are probably more, but I need to go focus on what I want!

Thanks, Elizabeth, for helping me actually list these dealbreakers.

You know Taru, I didn't even list those kinds as my dealbreakers b/c they are so assumed for me … a client (or personal relationship) would be unacceptable with someone who is racist, inauthentic, hates gay people, closed minded, etc. … I am so rarely around those kinds of people anymore I forget they exist!

What I'm loving more and more about you Elizabeth is your authenticity. You're really being you. You're showing the real you. Nothing fake, nothing to 'entice' us to follow you….just being the real you. And let me tell you — you're a breath of fresh air!!

Though I love my business, I too am going through a change, a process so to speak. Where I know I have a higher calling (or whatever you want to call it..) really more that I know I have so much to offer the world.

It's so inspiring to see something so authentic out there. And I feel too often the word authentic gets used — but you're the real deal.

Speaking of deals…you're so right on about deal breakers!

Dinneen @EatWithoutGuilt

P.S. Love you did the video in your car! Totally a no-excuses for not just doing it. Can't say it was raining outside, kids in house, etc. You just do it!!

I LOVE YOUR AUTHENTICITY!!!
Its good to know you hate pantyhose and you will not be wearing them. (thanks for sharing).
Knowing your deal breakers are so important. Knowing what you stand for keeps you grounded and keeps you congruent with who and what you are. (As a single mom and a woman who dates, and has her own coaching business having deal breakers are a must) When you're talking deal breakers, you're coming from a position of no compromise as you have to be truthful to yourself. Life is not about pleasing others. For me, my kids always come first—No matter what. Defining deal breakers is a worthwhile endeavor to ensure that you get to live the life on your terms.
Thanks for sharing.
Lolly Daskal
Lead From Within

Elizabeth, you and Taru have listed what I would like to see as dealbreakers for anyone I deal with. Any feeling human should subscribe to them. I agree with the pantyhose, too, even though I don't shave. (Multiple radiation over-exposures at one dreaded day job have eliminated the need – and most of my body hair.)

As a copyeditor, there are things I refuse to do. One is edit erotica. There are extreme rules for this genre and since I'm not part of it, I wouldn't do it justice. The big one for me is not editing homework. Being offered anything from high school assignments to dissertations, I've avoided them all. I'll find the rest of my dealbreakers as they find me.

Thank you for making us think, Elizabeth. Again.

I agree.

I had to break up a relationship with someone because smoking is a deal breaker for me. Can't deal with it. I also hate constant whiners. If you don't love yourself and don't want to improve your life, don't expect me to share in your misery. I'm happy and I want to be someone who can be happy. I don't need another project. Additionally, I am ambitious so I can't spend every waking moment with you. If you don't have a life before I got there, we're probably not going to last for too long.

In business, I've refused to offer products that I know will sell but I know won't do crap for my clients. For example, a lot of big companies offer “SEO services” and “search engine submission” services. What they'll do is add some meta tags and use a program to submit your website to a few thousand pointless directories and search engines. They sell these services like crazy because it's relatively low priced and a lot of people just don't know any better. I could sell it as well and $99 for doing 3 minutes of work… and I would do it… except I know it hasn't had any effect on search engine rankings since around 2000 & 2001. So I refuse to do it.

I also hate dealing with clients who make it their job to low-ball me on every little thing. I've figured out a screening process for them. If they bargain on the little items or delay paying the small bills, I politely inform them that we're not a good fit.

It comes down to self-respect. If you don't respect yourself enough to value yourself & your time, why should anyone else?

** End of Rant. Stepping out of my soap box. **

I agree.

I had to break up a relationship with someone because smoking is a deal breaker for me. Can't deal with it. I also hate constant whiners. If you don't love yourself and don't want to improve your life, don't expect me to share in your misery. I'm happy and I want to be someone who can be happy. I don't need another project. Additionally, I am ambitious so I can't spend every waking moment with you. If you don't have a life before I got there, we're probably not going to last for too long.

In business, I've refused to offer products that I know will sell but I know won't do crap for my clients. For example, a lot of big companies offer “SEO services” and “search engine submission” services. What they'll do is add some meta tags and use a program to submit your website to a few thousand pointless directories and search engines. They sell these services like crazy because it's relatively low priced and a lot of people just don't know any better. I could sell it as well and $99 for doing 3 minutes of work… and I would do it… except I know it hasn't had any effect on search engine rankings since around 2000 & 2001. So I refuse to do it.

I also hate dealing with clients who make it their job to low-ball me on every little thing. I've figured out a screening process for them. If they bargain on the little items or delay paying the small bills, I politely inform them that we're not a good fit.

It comes down to self-respect. If you don't respect yourself enough to value yourself & your time, why should anyone else?

** End of Rant. Stepping out of my soap box. **