Guest Post by Lori Latimer.
Someone asked me that question last summer, and I really didn’t have an answer. At least, not an answer that was just about me, and not about my family, which was my first, automatic response. But this person was quite persistent, and truly wanted to know what brings me joy. Little did I know at the time that that was the beginning of my search for my truth.
That was the match that lit the fire in me… to find the answer to that question. I’d been a wife and mother most of my adult life. Now divorced, my children grown, I could focus on me, on who I am and what I want. On what brings me joy.
And that scared me to death.
Because for so many years, I lived my life for everyone else. How I thought I “should” live. What I thought I “should” do. What I thought others “expected” me to do. Doing things so I wouldn’t disappoint anyone in my life. Doing things that I thought would make me “perfect” so people would like me and love me.
And it was all bullshit. Total and utter bullshit. Because so much of it really wasn’t me. In trying to be the “good girl,” the “people pleaser” that I’ve always been, all of my hopes and dreams got lost and forgotten. I got lost somewhere along the way.
I realized last year that this is my chance for a new beginning – to create the life that I want for myself. But what exactly is that life?
I knew what I didn’t want. But I had to spend a lot of time alone, getting back in touch with me, with who I am deep down inside, to figure out what I do want. And in the silence of that process I found the truth of who I am and what I want… I found my truth.
There has to be something more.
For many years I’ve felt a fluttering inside of me telling me that there’s something more for me… something more I’m meant to do. And for years I pushed it aside. But I now know exactly what that something is, and I’m going for it. Full out. No holds barred. And no turning back. It’s time. Time to pursue my joy, my passion.
Forgiveness
But to be able to start living my truth, I first had to forgive myself for any past mistakes – or perceived past mistakes. To accept all of me, including – and maybe especially – the imperfect parts of me. To accept that I am good enough, just as I am. That was not an easy thing to do. I’m finding that it isn’t easy for any of us.
I’ve learned that living my truth means opening myself up… to the possibility of failure… to the possibility of rejection… of looking stupid… of all the things that are simply mind chatter that have no basis in reality. And it means opening myself up to being vulnerable. But I’ve also learned that it means opening myself up to the possibility of success.
It means getting out of my own self-imposed comfort zone.
Fear keeps us in our comfort zones. It’s safe there. But staying there keeps us from growing. To find my passion, my joy, I knew I had to get out of that comfort zone. And I have. I’ve done things in the past year that I never thought I could, or would do. Things like traveling by myself, attending an actor’s workshop, letting people know what I’m doing, and putting my true self out there in ways I never have before.
It’s a journey, not a destination.
Finding my truth has been a journey, one I continue to embark on every single day. Living my truth has brought joy and passion into my life in ways I only imagined before.
For me, there is no turning back. Something bigger than me keeps pushing me through my doubts and fears to find more and more of my truth. Each doubt or fear that I push through gives me more courage to face the doubts and fears yet to come… for doing more things that are uncomfortable and scare the crap out of me.
Because the truth is that NOT doing these things, not going for what I want full out… hiding behind an employer instead of starting my own business… staying where I am and accepting where I am for the rest of my life… settling… well, that terrifies me more than anything. That and writing this guest post for Elizabeth. When she asked me to do this, I was freaking terrified. But I knew I had to do it. One more fear to face… and conquer.
A Milestone
I turned 50 years old in January. I look at it as starting the second half of my life. Because I do not want to get to the end of my life with any regrets over not having lived my life to its fullest. To do that, I have to put myself out there. I have to take big risks.
I’ve learned that it’s never too late.
I’ve learned that if you have a dream, it’s never too late to pursue it. If I can do this at 50, anyone can do it.
And that’s the truth.
Lori Latimer has two grown sons and a little grandson. After many years as a family law paralegal and going through her own divorce in her late 40s, Lori is now venturing out on her own, helping women find their passion and recreate their lives after divorce. She can be found on Twitter or at her website, http:\\lorilatimer.com
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I'm Elizabeth Potts Weinstein, a writer, teacher, and coach.