We have a zillion advantages as parents in 2007 … running water, modern medicine, washing machines, the internet, women’s lib, inexpensive & high-quality food, no child labor, etc. But we have one distinct disadvantage. For the most part, we are physically isolated. In decades and century’s past, a women would not be a stay at home mom who took care of her kids 100% of the time. We lived across the way from our parents, next door to our sisters, down the lane from our grandparents. We shared in the care of each other’s children. Our kids grew up with older cousins and aunts and grandma’s taking care of them, as much if not more than their own parents. And, these were all people who LOVED our kids almost as much as we do. How were these other caregivers compensated? By us helping them with their needs, or watching their kids when they needed to get work done. And women have ALWAYS been working moms. Working doing the family chores (which before washing machines, ovens, and iceboxes, was a 10 hour a day job), on the farm, or behind the counter at the family business. Women have been teachers, nannies, business co-owners, cleaning women, and world leaders for centuries. But now we live miles (if not thousands of miles) away from our extended families. We don’t know our neighbors. We move so often we may not have local close friends. There’s no one who loves our kids as much as us, to take care of them. And, if we leave our kids with people we pay, like nannies or daycare, we feel guilty. As if we are wrong to delegate some of the care of our kids to someone else (especially if we PAY that person). As if we are supposed to, by ourselves, provide for 100% of the care of our kids, as well as taking care of the other needs of the family. And, since we are modern enlightened women, we are working at a job or running a business (or both), volunteering in the community, trying to be a good wife/friend/sister/aunt/daughter/neighbor, as well as take care of ourselves, working out, eating right, and reading books. No wonder we are tired. We need to give ourselves permission to ask for help. There is nothing wrong with paying for someone to help out with caring for your child, when you don’t have access to local family or friends. There is nothing wrong, or even NEW, with delegating some of that care to others so you can make money, fulfill your other responsibilities, or pursue your own interests. So ladies — ask for help! (and, stop feeling guilty … but that takes a bit more practice …)
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I'm Elizabeth Potts Weinstein, a writer, teacher, and coach.