There Is No Done.

Elizabeth – you have SO completely described all of the chaos and loveliness that has been taking shape in my head for the past while. and ive been fighting it – afraid of it – trying to ignore it – but posts like yours, thoughts like YOURS, remind me why it is the most beautiful thing in the word – and your photo today on FB of you and Gracie tell me – it will ALL be ok… thanks for sharing this…

I'm so happy that this is helping you feel better about your brain chaos … and yes, that pic of me & G today is one example of how everything is okay and will be okay.

There's a time when my chaotic mind tornado is actually soothing to me. It's like knowing I'm normal.

Then there's the times when a mind tornado comes at the worst possible moment. So I'm learning to create space for my tornadoes in my day. Which helps me feel more normal.

Am I really normal? Who the heck cares. It works for me.

And the same goes for you.

“the message is in the mess”

“the miracle is in the mess”

The mess has been described and talked about in various ways. Says something for the mess I think.

Yep – whorlybrain sometimes on a daily basis. It let's me know I'm alive on good days and is a royal pain in the ass on other days.

Just the moment that I think I'm finally “getting there” – something happens. Life happens. Good or bad. It just happens and then I have to reevaluate what “there” really is and why it matters so much.

I'm growing. At least it feels like growth.

I think that's going to have to be ok for me right now.

Thanks Elizabeth.

Whorlybrain is how I live all the time, it seems. I long for those moments of pleasant presence. I like how you brought your whorlybrain around to presence. Great act of mindfulness and lessons for all of us to re-member.

Lisa

Yes, Elizabeth that good old whorlybrain is part of “what is”, and it's been part of my life now for almost 68 years. One day I realized I was not separate from it, and that honoring it and relaxing into being with it let it (and me) just “be”. It was and is a meditation. I get to watch all those thoughts pass through and be a witness. Then, lo and behold, it changes again, just like everything is always changing. It's only my attachment to having things a certain proscribed “right way” that creates the problem.

I had a million things to do today, and instead I spent the last two hours doing a jigsaw puzzle with my last coaching client of the day. It was delicious, and juicy and fun. To hell with all those things I thought I had to do. Tomorrow is another day and I can choose which of those to do things really matter–if any.

Love you to pieces for your honesty and your search to self.

whorlybrain hangover… nice description.

This is so true. You're never done. That sucks… and that is WONDERFUL – means you get to learn more, do more, and have more hangovers.

Lisa, I agree and totally resonate w/every single thing in your comment! Yes, make room for the tornadoes. Tell them, when they arrive as they ALWAYS do, that you have been expecting them. HA!
~ Alli

As long as you keep the 1:1 water to hangover-inducing-stuff ratio, you won't have any hangovers! LOL.

I just wrote a REALLY long and pretty good comment — like REALLY long — and it is NOWHERE to be found. FML.

(found it on disqus — yay disqus!)

Perhaps the funniest, most delicious, awesome part of all of this funny, delicious and awesome stuff that is our lives is that despite (or maybe bc of) all the whorly-brain stuff, people love us (and our messes) so much.

I mean, sending a text like that to your ex is the stuff that sitcoms (or at least reality shows) are made of. Fifty years ago, we'd be in a tight straight skirt, constricting panty hose, sweating through the armpits of some silk blouse, lots of hair spray, pretending we liked our neighbors bc that's all we had, baking cookies and waiting for life to begin when the kids and husband came home (with no cable TV, twitter or Sirius btw).

Today, we get to talk to e/o in a million diff ways whenever we want, go on adventures, get tatts, eat lots of falafel, share a hotel room and text e/o from bed to bed and also still have wonderful relationships w the men in our lives, amazing kids, careers and the whole nine yards.

You are right, there is no done. And that is an awesome thing because we are in the midst of the most amazing, wonderful, beautiful, f-in crazy lives!

Thank you for sharing yours w me.

#loveyou
#longcomment

Love this post and the shift of perspective! I think of it as “life keeps lifeing” which means no matter how much I try the ducks will never all be lined up in a row, or maybe they will but they certainly won't stay there. Life isn't static, it keeps doing it's thing whether I'm ready for it or not!

OMG Elizabeth! I could probably read this every day because every day I would need this reminder. Today what stands out and speaks to me the most are these things:

The mess is it. (So why do I keep using so much energy try to stop it from being a mess?)

I will never have every relationship resolved. (Maybe it's time I accepted that. I can't go back and undo what has been done. I can't make things “all better”. I can't put developing new, healthier relationships on hold until I “finish” resolving all the ones in the past. Maybe it's time to practice letting go. Forgiveness (including myself). Learning from them and opening to new ones. And then learning some more – because, of course, learning isn't ever done either.

It's ALL about the growth for me – yet I so often “not enough” that because I think I should be “done”. I LOVED this post – thanks for sharing your process of self-acceptance – of living your truth – with me.

neurons in my whorlybrain scrambled … to the point of incoherence. So instead of a brilliant witty comment, I will simply say: Thank you for sharing your brilliance yet again.

This has to be one of the all time great sentences. Award winning, even.
“I will never move past whorlybrain into some zen state where my mind turns off and I float magically down the river of attraction, arriving on the island of all knowingness.”

And bummer…at some level I was hopin' that was gonna happen for me ; )

Your perspectives continue to astound me and I feel blessed that you share so freely. I'm right there with you with the constant whorlybrain, never really even wanting to come to some end point and usually diving deep into the process, working hard (or even more often, 'busily' letting go of perceived control) to focus my attention and energies on what matters most — growth. What a wonderful example this is of the amazing persistence of life!

and I agree, creating space for the tornados is important and one of the hardest things. that is one of the reasons I go on so many long walks, sometimes it's just for a nice walk, about 1/3 of the time it is to deal w/ a tornado.

yes. and crazy stuff seems to be happening in my life (crazy good and bad) — which keeps making me think … I will never get there. and I must be okay w/ that, or I'll always be disappointed/frustrated/go crazy.

and maybe that's it, my presence is not always peaceful …

I love the idea that whorlybrain is meditation. I've always felt like I was failing at meditation b/c I really can't turn my brain off by sitting there etc. (but I do fall into a meditative state while pole dancing, actually).

Yay re your puzzle!

it's all about the hydration #formanypurposes #ahem #seesupra

thank god it was found. #yaytechnology #intheformofdisqus

yes. I do think it is so weird that people think what we say is all profound when really it is all just talking about our insanity.

our lives are so much better than a sitcom. not just b/c it is real. but seriously, our lives would totally get picked up on hbo. #yesonlysubscriptioncable

thank god we were born when we were. that is all.

#loveyou

#lovethelongcomment

yes. the second the ducks are lined up I realize they are *alive* and worrying about them saying lined up is silly.

yes. the relationships will never be resolved. both the past ones as well as things in the present. relationships are messy! the real ones are never figured out or done. they are not a thing to arrive at … it's about going on an exploration with another soul.

thank you for reading, my dear, and blessings w/ your whorlybrain

thank you ava – and it's all about getting real about the magical fairies not happening #oratleastnotwaitingforthem

yes, working *so hard* all the time and forgetting that *hard* is not the point. (even for getting work done!)

There are ways to lessen the energetic impact of whirlybrain. To anticipate some of the worst parts – sit down before you fall and worry less. But, no way to eliminate it entirely if you want to grow and feel and live. Nice post.

Dear Allison – I hate to burst your bubble about life 50 years ago, but I was alive and living it then. I did not stay home and bake cookies and wait for my husband to come home. I worked full time at a University, took a half load of classes at the Junior College, and had three young babies to take care of. When I was 29, I left suburbia, and the life it represented and went to India to sit at the feet of my guru. My story continues but it's way too long to tell here.

I just wanted you to know not all of us lived a conventional, boring, deadening life. Some of us risked it all for the search for truth, and lived to tell about it. I'm one of them.

Point well taken, Taru, and it sounds like you have had some amazing adventures.

When I wrote that comment, I had a very specific picture in my mind, along the lines of June Cleaver who, despite the amazing accomplishments and travels you describe, was a typical (and probably sought-after/admired) way to be for women in the 50s (which I suppose was more like 50-60 years ago).

Most women then (and now for that matter) don't/can't/won/t ditch it all like you describe and like the whole Eat Pray Love story.

Finding and making epic adventures in every day life, which is a whole other discussion, is really a more accessible way of making these kinds of things accessible to everyone, not just people with money or without kids or whatever.

That all said, there is really no bubble to burst Hope I didn't offend or upset.

~ Alli

and really … the bigger point is that many people (including me, just a couple years ago) was living in the 2000s version of that 1950s stereotype … no matter the generation or year, there are people who choose to live in mediocrity. and those who choose to leave.

I do think it is easier to leave now than it has been in the past – and part of that is for everyone who left it before us.

Darn it Elizabeth – thank you and darn you for this post. Some days I'm so done. Today I was done. But then something like this reminds me that I'm not done. It's all a journey – a whorlybrain journey that we take together and alone. Thank you for this post.

I seriously have no idea how to “worry less” … I'm just not that girl. I'll just worry about how I'm worrying to much. #insane So my way is to stop worrying about my worrying … by doing self care (walks, baths, sleep, movie, pole dancing, etc.) and then the cycle starts to chill.

No offense taken at all. There's no one here to take offense. She disappeared a long time ago! I just wanted to put in a plug for elderwomen like me who were not satisfied with the so-called ordinary life.

Yes, it was both the hardest thing I've ever done, and the best.

I love this. Presence doesn't have to be peaceful. Or peace doesn't have to be still. I've realized I'm most present and most at peace in my whorlybrain <<< Btw, the first time I read that word in one of your posts, I finally had what I considered an accurate name for it. ha!
I have no desire to quiet the thoughts – just want more space/time to have them.

Love this post! Supports an idea I subscribe to: when you're done, you're dead.

“That the reason I'm so full is because I'm being pulled forward in the delicious and right (yet scary and stressful and profoundly real) direction.”

I have certainly felt that — and not just fullness, but discomfort and a bit of overwhelm. And – gulp – that's okay. Sometimes I feel as though I go through some great expansion, and then I have to stretch into my new self or situation. Sometimes the stretch is obviously joyful and incredibly juicy, but other times, it's creaky, awkward, and very uncomfortable. But, as you point out, that's the journey.

Hi Taru,

I'm the child of a couple of urban beatniks and my husband is a hippie kid. Oh the stories I've heard about our parents in the 50s and 60s! Believe me, my mom met and surpassed any wild things I've done. So I really appreciate your comment. There were a lot of people seeking their own truth 50-60 years ago.

But…just like today there were lots of sheep who didn't want to think for themselves. Baaaaaa!

Ah, this post is so “normalizing: for me! I have whorlybrain all the time and enjoy it for the most part. It's my creative energy and ideas all smashing into each other. i've learned to live with the chaos and love what's not done. I live with a husband with ADHD and a child who is hyperactive–we have a lot of things “undone.” Beds, cleaning, organization –but rather than focus on what we have not, we focus on the things we have, including a relatively happy group of people moving forward in an imperfect life!

Sometimes, happiness is as simple as “This half-full bottle of Chambord is 5 years old. Why am I keeping this? Stupid. It turned years ago.”

Then pouring it down the drain.

And recycling the bottle.

Feels good.

I call mine “brain spins” I like whorlybrain though, nice touch! I'm still waiting for someone to invent me a 48 hour day. Prolly still won't get everything done and that also means my brain can spin for twice the time each day. Ugh.

You have a way with words…we haven't met but I can almost hear you speaking your post to me…it is real and profound without getting preachy. Thank you for showing your vulnerability and sharing your revelations.

The fact that there is no done is something I only came to realize in the past year or two, and I still fall back into the habit of waiting for the done. The occasional reminder that, nope, there is no done, is actually kind of comforting.

Thanks for putting it all so eloquently.

Yes, Wendy. There are always sleepy sheep in every society, just waiting (unknowingly) for someone or some event to come along and jar them awake. I was a sleepy sheep for awhile when I bought into the June Cleaver role at age 20, but I was always somehow dissatisfied deep down and couldn't figure out why until the pressure became so intense it was do or die. I feel a great sense of compassion for those sleepy sheep because I was one.

Terribly happy that I was sent here! I began this journey (as I call it) in February and whorlybrain hadn't introduced himself to me, just took up residence. Thanks for introducing me!
How does it feel? Right. Just plain right. I'm glad I found you, I'll bet a lot of things become clear visiting your posts and hopefully getting to know you. Thanks for this.